Monday, July 9, 2007
the girl in the picture,
i wonder, if she'll fall.
i wonder, how far she is from the ground.
i wonder, if the fall'll be fatal.
i wonder, if she's strong enough to pull herself back up.
i wonder, if she falls,
would anyone be there to catch her and keep her safe?
anyway. i think i did a decent job ignoring the buzzing today.
its so easy to forget. so easy its so scary.
i need to stay icy.
icy, icy, icy.
im tired of your childish quibbles.
im tired of watching u wallow in self-pity every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day.
im tired of putting up with your nonsense.
and i cant be bothered to anymore.
why should i?
why should i even care?
you go ahead and make yourself the most PITIFUL person on earth.
i tried okay? i tried.
maybe just trying isnt good enough, but i get tired too you know?
and if youre going to ignore it and think only of YOU, YOU & how BAD your life has turned out,
then go ahead.
all the time im with you the buzzing gets so hard to block out.
the buzzing works its way into my head and messes with it.
mess, mess, mess, and then i cant think. its so hard to untangle everything and straighten things out in my head.
im sorry if you feel ive let you down.
i may not be as big a pessimist as you,
i know your life is a hell lot tougher than mine,
and you wallowing in self pity isnt making it any better,
and its affecting me.
im not strong enough to stand up and be happy for both of us.
i wont try anymore, unless u initiate it for a change.
its your life,
screw it up if you want so badly to.
free. im free.
for the night.
and tomorrow, i wonder.
but you know what?
i bet i'll still be stuck there.
so much for the long speech.
i need HAPPY HAPPY HAPPINESS,
my cup of starbucks coffee with an extra expresso shot : D
like drugs, it gets me so high : D
i get high on a double shot of caffiene, i wonder how high i'll be if i take in some heroin.
not that i'll ever try.
im not stupid.
and its not like im depressed.
im happy okay?
happy.
so veryveryvery happy.
cos some people are so huggable loveable.
and my dear hilly SEEMS happy.
and that makes me so happy ^^
ohmygod. pamela koh is into kazuya.
WHY KAZUYA?
WHYYYY?
kazuya?! kazuya.
gosh.
i think that other guy is double hot.
the one that just came back to kat-tun.
you know which guy pam?
THAT guy. the one hotter than kazuya.
heh : DDDDDDDD
i forget his name.
ren? something like ren.
sexy name that is, REN.
shuuji is cute. SHUUJIIIIIII. but kazuya IS shuuji,
i think the NAME shuuji is cute.
shouji too.
shouji is a friggin double crosser though.
anyway.
i still owe
PAUL&WEIPING their letters.
since when? forever ago.
you see? wp you see? what happens when u write me a letter in chinese?
i'll finish them soon, before it hits a one year and i'll make a record and beat them in "not replying letters for the longest time"