Saturday, October 20, 2007

after i pass my grade8 violin exam i'm going to pick up the electric violin.
i love the sound.
it's so, how do i say,
argh, its annoying when i have to pause to think of words to express myself.

went with andrea,ty& kompol for lunch& kino.
it was fun, well of course it was fun.
i'd do this every other saturday if i could,
how nice.
i bought lots of books again.
i feel like devouring all the stories,
you know, eat them allll up& store them up inside me.
sometimes i wonder if this is a form of escapism,
but i have nothing to escape from,
so i guess, its nothing like that.

i have this obsession with vampires.
annndd, i like the twilight series because i like vampires,
not, ' i like vampires because i like the twilight series'.
vampires; its strange how they intrigue me when im scared to within an inch of my life when i see blood.

you know how you always wish you could fall asleep and have a dream where you had exactly what you wanted that you couldnt have in reality?
i hate those dreams.
and i had one last night.
its like you wake up and all of a sudden you feel so darn cheated !
whats worse was that i didnt even "know" how badly i wanted it.
it was in my subconscious mind, something i could just push to the back, put it on hold, not think about it, ignore it, deem it insignificant.
and i just HADDDDD to dream.
you know?
its like, the dream GIVES it to you,
literally saying "here, take it, its all yours, now its yours, dont you wish you'd have it forever? all your life? yes this is perfect, keep it, hold on to it, guard it with your life and dont freaking let go"
and then your mother comes and wakes you up and the illusion dissipates into thin air.
ARGH.
i hate that !
you dont even know how good it feels until you lose it all !
i NEVER had to feel like that !
i never had to feel so happy, so protective, so blissful!
i never did !
stupid dream.
YOU STUPID DREAM.
it woke up a longing in me.
its like the Longing was asleep,
asleep, benign, and now its a freaking malignant monster !
taunting& teasing me !
telling me " oh no, what do you do when you want it but cant have it? its not something you can buy, its not within your control," and then evil laughter.


this is called Evil mannnn.
E-V-I-L !
even though essentially it was something i conjured up...
well it was very nice... maybe i should learn to sleep forever when i have such dreams.
yes that'd be good.

but nahhh, des would miss me now wont you ?: DDDD

//END8:28 PM