Tuesday, January 15, 2008
im back to square 1.
im back to strings.
strings it is !(:
it seems everything i do i always make one big fat detour, screw up my own emotions and wind up right back where i start.
poof.
im back to square one,
jaded and disappointed.
of course im not disappointed about strings because i just chose it.
but im talking about my life in general.
i could draw a graph.
it'd be a stupid circle.
the ones bob said so long ago looked cute but were the most horrible to solve.
yeah my life may look a little pretty on the outside but when you try to figure anything out you just go round and round and round and cant get any of it right.
i want the best, i want everything, but it seems i cant even get a dreg.
i want to be in full control of myself.
i hate it when it seems im not living for myself anymore,
even though i made the choice not to.
i just wish there wasnt anything for me to put before myself.
i hate being told what to do,
cos everytime someone tells me i MUST do something without telling me why,
i just feel like i HAVE to do the opposite.
but when you give me choices,
i cant make up my mind and it upsets me all the time.
its so much easier to be upset with someone else than with yourself.
i cant believe i landed up in philosophy.
no, i cant believe i CHOSE philosophy as my elective.
i bid so many points for it !
and now i regret it.
why on earth am i in philosophy?
honestly !
i dont know.
i like philosophy, i just dont know why i dont want to be in it.
you see? i think there's something awfully wrong with me.
i want it but i dont.
i want so many things but i obviously dont have the ability to take on everything.
cos i'd gladly take psychology as well.
i'd take both and that'd make me happy.
but i dont want to spend all my time on electives.
thing is, im not even the study-study type.
i just like to know stuff without having to go through the hassle of learning everything the hard way.
i always want the easy way out,
but i absolutely detest/abhor the bad quality that comes with it.
bah.
i hope tomorrow's a good day.
i dont think i can handle a bad day tomorrow.
i dont feel like going home for dinnner.
shall ask sheep,les and gabriel out.
actually today's been a good day.
overall.
if i could erase that little blemish from my life,
i think everything'd be all cupcakes and butterflies.
yes thats my new term for everything great : DDDDDD
and omgggggggggg my tuesday breaks are exactly the same as edward's !
and i have a 9.15 break with antheeeeeaaa ! (:
pe today was mission impossible style.
omg i love desireesimweiyan.
the thrill of escaping from those awful pe tyrants. muaha.
"okay. on the count of three. we'll dash across the parade square to the path behind the rockwall. okay? 3.2.1!"
our escape may have taken 25 minutes, but man, it was worth it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABRIEL! (:
youre so old(: